things you didn't know about me

(and probably wish you didn't)

• i've never tasted coffee in my life


• my earliest memory is my father teaching me how to put underwear on while on a conference call


• i didn't think snow was real for an embarrassing amount of time. (i thought it was part of the santa/christmas lore)


• telling me to touch grass is a threat to my wellbeing, as i am allergic


• turns out we call it oven because we of in the cold food of out hot eat the food


• my father wanted to name me marty, NOT so he could have a junior named after him, but so he could quote Back to the Future to me. my mother vetoed this


• my mother, being much more rational, instead opted to name me after a life cereal commercial


• i met the guy who designed the original disneyland monorail once (bob gurr. he was chill)


• i strongly dislike being called mike


• i had to write a report on a saint in middle school and was assigned mary. instead of actually writing the report i just found every feast day remotely related to mary and copypasted them all into a big list that took a few pages. probably the worst 'writing' i ever did. that teacher would have a heart attack if they found out i majored in english


• one of these fun facts is a lie


• the previous fun fact was the lie


• i think paradoxes are funny


• i once had a friend tell me my life was a "seinfeld b-plot" and i've never been the same since

you should do this at least once tho, as a treat------->